Raising children

SaiFightsMS · KF VIP

Raising Children....
For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious. For those who have children this age, this is not funny. For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

Things I've learned from my children (honest & no kidding):

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade ...true story.

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read,"...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said,'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'"

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said...Holy ****! A talking pig ! "

...The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes...

KickChick · Black Belt

Yes I have seen this .... and can appreciate it being a mom of 3! #'s 3, 12 and 15 I have had experience with!!

Hapkido-Cougar · Orange Belt

Raising children's too hard...
Babies cry, gives me headache a lot!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cant raise children, i dont have any children yet, cause im 14.. thats not aloud.

_________________
Cougar
KENPO Green belt master

shotochem · Pre-Black Belt

It sounds like youve met my son!!!
Hes 8 and he still does things that....

"seemed like a good idea at the time".....

_________________
Pain is only temporary, the memory of that pain lasts a lifetime.

Kempo_Dude · Orange Belt

lol

Thats funny

_________________
Kempo dude says: Stand up show me what you got, im black belter in kempo, im a Kempo champ. lets see who will win!

SaiFightsMS · KF VIP

When we were kids it was my little sister who gets the prize for dumb things to do. She was playing with a box of BB's for a BB gun for some odd reason. Then she decided that they belonged up her nose.

My Mom did not think it so funny when she discovered one was really way up in there and had to take her to the Dr. to get it removed.

KickChick · Black Belt

Yes indeedy kids do the darnest things... my son when he was 2 did the same thing except with his peas. Seems he was trying to hide them rather than eat them!

That same little boy got in his first car accident yesterday! (he's ok 'cept for his car!) There was no hiding that one!!!
Sometimes I wish he were still 2 .... YIKES! did I say that!!!
..... I have the best of both worlds 2 teenagers and my baby who just turned 8 .... gotta love them!
_________________
KarateForums Sensei
1st dan Tae Kwon Do (ITF)
Cardio/Fitness Kickboxing Instr.

[ This Message was edited by: KickChick on 2002-05-29 11:58 ]

[ This Message was edited by: KickChick on 2002-05-29 11:59 ]

SaiFightsMS · KF VIP

Yes KickChick it is funny how things change. My sisters oldest is now living alone and borrowing her car on occasional weekends.

And although she wrecked one of my cars one time he has not yet had a problem with hers.

	KarateForums.com Forum Index -> Humor/Jokes	All times are GMT - 6 Hours
Page 1 of 1