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sensei8
KF Sensei
KF Sensei

Joined: 23 Feb 2008
Posts: 14265
Location: Houston, TX
Styles: Shindokan Saitou-ryu [Shuri-te/Okinawa-te based]

PostPosted: Sat Nov 03, 2018 8:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

singularity6 wrote:
Here's an interesting and possibly related article I ran across:

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/11/01/well/family/why-sports-parents-sometimes-behave-so-badly.html?action=click&module=Discovery&pgtype=Homepage

Yeah, what that article speaks about happens world wide unfortunately. Parents are youth activities worse enemies.

I've seen that type of parent behavior at MA tournaments more times than I care to remember. I personally shake my head in wonderment when I see a parent putting their hands on the tournament Arbitrator, who's usually the highest Dan ranked on the floor, and the Arbitrator having to defend himself, which ends up not being a good thing for the parent.

I've never seen a parent attack the CI at the dojo...for obvious reasons.



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Spartacus Maximus
Black Belt
Black Belt

Joined: 01 Jun 2014
Posts: 1703

Styles: Shorin ryu

PostPosted: Sun Nov 04, 2018 6:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Instructors who accept teaching minors/children rarely if ever explicitly forbid or oppose parents or guardians to watch. In many cases doing that would be a liability.

What should be explicitly and strictly forbidden is disruptive behaviour and interference by said parents supposedly “watching” because their own personal definition of watching includes such things as loud obnoxious cheering, unwanted coaching, interruptions or badgering the instructor with criticisms while the instructor is teaching.
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bushido_man96
KF Sensei
KF Sensei

Joined: 31 Mar 2006
Posts: 27636
Location: Hays, KS
Styles: Taekwondo, Combat Hapkido, Aikido, GRACIE

PostPosted: Wed Nov 07, 2018 1:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

singularity6 wrote:
Here's an interesting and possibly related article I ran across:

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/11/01/well/family/why-sports-parents-sometimes-behave-so-badly.html?action=click&module=Discovery&pgtype=Homepage


Interesting article. Its no secret that I'm a parent with kids in various sports. I'm very supportive of my kids, and I expect them to practice hard in order to perform to the best of their abilities. I also try to be supportive of coaches, and let them do their jobs. If I have questions, I ask them.

Now, in my experience, I haven't seen the extreme of a parent going onto a field and attacking a ref, and for the most part, the parents are pretty laid back in the crowds. I see some parents get aggravated over a ref's call at times, but I've never seen it get too out of hand. I have been guilty of calling out an opinion on what I thought was an obviously missed call, and have since done my best to temper myself from doing that. By and large, in my neck of the woods, parents tend to keep themselves under control.

The last sentence of the article bothered me somewhat, though...

Quote:
“If parents had adult sport league practices, maybe they wouldn’t sit around and watch their kids practice,” Dr. Warner said.


As a parent, I want to be involved in what my kids are doing. I want to watch their progress and make sure they pay attention to the coaches, work hard, etc. I don't like it when I have to drop my kid off and not watch their practices.
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Spartacus Maximus
Black Belt
Black Belt

Joined: 01 Jun 2014
Posts: 1703

Styles: Shorin ryu

PostPosted: Fri Nov 09, 2018 7:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It is unfortunately too common for parents to get carried away with their child’s interests. Especially where some kind of direct competition is involved. There are so many ways for a parent to support and encourage their child in martial arts without interfering with training or being disruptive.
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aurik
Yellow Belt
Yellow Belt

Joined: 08 Nov 2016
Posts: 39
Location: Denver, CO
Styles: Shuri-Ryu, Uechi-Ryu

PostPosted: Fri Nov 09, 2018 10:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

bushido_man96 wrote:
singularity6 wrote:
Here's an interesting and possibly related article I ran across:

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/11/01/well/family/why-sports-parents-sometimes-behave-so-badly.html?action=click&module=Discovery&pgtype=Homepage


Interesting article. Its no secret that I'm a parent with kids in various sports. I'm very supportive of my kids, and I expect them to practice hard in order to perform to the best of their abilities. I also try to be supportive of coaches, and let them do their jobs. If I have questions, I ask them.

Now, in my experience, I haven't seen the extreme of a parent going onto a field and attacking a ref, and for the most part, the parents are pretty laid back in the crowds. I see some parents get aggravated over a ref's call at times, but I've never seen it get too out of hand. I have been guilty of calling out an opinion on what I thought was an obviously missed call, and have since done my best to temper myself from doing that. By and large, in my neck of the woods, parents tend to keep themselves under control.

The last sentence of the article bothered me somewhat, though...

Quote:
“If parents had adult sport league practices, maybe they wouldn’t sit around and watch their kids practice,” Dr. Warner said.


As a parent, I want to be involved in what my kids are doing. I want to watch their progress and make sure they pay attention to the coaches, work hard, etc. I don't like it when I have to drop my kid off and not watch their practices.


My 6 year old son also plays flag football. Last week at one of his games, there was this one dad who was yelling at the referee about some perceived call he didn't make. Granted, the refs in this league are generally high school kids who are trying their best. My son's coaches caught the ref in a couple of mistakes, but they quietly pointed out his mistake instead of yelling from the sideline. However, yelling at the ref is not the type of behaviour I want MY son to see from me, and frankly, I think that it's far more important for the kids to learn how to play by the rules, play as a team, and learn to do their best. Whether they win or lose a game will make no difference to them in a week or a month.

The only words that came out of my mouth throughout any of his games were encouragement and cheers for him and his teammates, and the occasional quiet question of clarification from his coaches.
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advfhorn
Yellow Belt
Yellow Belt

Joined: 11 Jul 2013
Posts: 40


PostPosted: Tue Nov 13, 2018 1:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

In our current dojo our parents area has a solid wall between it and the floor but with camera and two TV screens (which are recorded). Some kids run out to their parents, or have anxiety they cannot see there parents and it is something the staff are taught to deal with.

For parents like me who train with our children, I am occasionally reminded that it is "his dojo his rules" and that I am not in charge of my child in that setting BTW I have been training for 5.5 yrs and my son for 6 yrs years. Mostly it is brought to my attention for either correcting his behavior or doing too much for him.
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DWx
KF Sensei
KF Sensei

Joined: 17 Jan 2007
Posts: 6118
Location: UK
Styles: Tae Kwon Do & Yang family Tai Chi

PostPosted: Thu Nov 15, 2018 2:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Interesting points raised so far all.

I have to say I do enjoy taking a look at which parents are engaged and are watching the class versus which parents are just playing on their phone and are clearly not interested. The ones watching, its usually their kids who are the ones that are improving the fastest.
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sensei8
KF Sensei
KF Sensei

Joined: 23 Feb 2008
Posts: 14265
Location: Houston, TX
Styles: Shindokan Saitou-ryu [Shuri-te/Okinawa-te based]

PostPosted: Thu Nov 15, 2018 2:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

One other thing I do is that I tell every parent/guardian/etc from day one that they aren't permitted to just drop their child off because I don't run a day care or the like; be involved proactively but know your role within my dojo.



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