Drama in the Dojo! Post is a little long..

KarateLdy · White Belt

Hello readers, I come to seek your advice and opinions on a martial arts matter that has me pretty upset. I have been a practitioner for almost 4 years now with my anniversary next month. It has really impacted my life in a good way. Sadly, this may all be ending. I have tried sticking it out this past year but there has been no resolution to the issues that have arisen. I will try to keep this from becoming a book, if clarification is needed just ask.

For the last year things have gone downhill. Little by little things were being taken away from me, such as certain responsibilities, exclusion from conversations among our instructor group as well as not being called upon for help with events. There has been an accumulation of events that it would turn into a long post, not sure how to simplify but these are the two biggest issues right now:

1.After a year and a half having my own day classes ( another instructor has their own as well) the owner leaves his day job and starts attending and helping with the claim that he has no intention of taking our classes over. (ok that’s understandable) . 6 months later neither one of us has a class, we are now on the sideline assisting. Students we have brought up through the ranks from white belts, poof gone. I could barely hold it together that first day of not being their instructor. That was probably the worst day ever in my journey. We had no reprimands on our performance, only good things to say about our instructing. The owner felt it was not worth paying us to teach when he plans to be there and teach also. I can understand to a point.

2. There is a fellow instructor I feel has had it in for me from the get go. I came up through fairly quick actually. Was there 4 nights a week, for three classes each night for years. I took my training seriously, and practiced at home religiously and it paid off. I think that has caused the rift there. For the last year I have been getting snide comments, jabs on Facebook, and over the last year she has really buddied up with the owner’s wife and has her now doing the same crap. )The wife is half owner but isn't a practitioner). For these two to be such advocates against bullying, and showing compassion and respect, I find their behavior hypocritical.

I am to the point I don’t want to go back to class. I have informed my sensei ( owner) of the problems and nothing. I took 2 weeks off to clear my mind ( I have never taken time off before), the jabs on facebook continue. I have had to restrict them so they can’t see my posts.

My questions, if I leave, there is no place teaching traditional martial arts for 30+ miles. My goals were to have my own school one day, but if I leave there goes everything. I have also started competing, how can I continue that on my own? Even if I traveled to another, I would have to start over. If thats the case then I will learn something different.

Do I stay and not give them the satisfaction, but endure the drama? It just reminds me of being bullied as a kid, I thought I left this crap behind me when I left grade school..
I don’t want to let down my former students or those in the other classes that I work with if I quit. I don’t want to be a sole practitioner stuck at 2nd degree for the rest of my life… but it sucks to be somewhere you no longer feel welcome..

Please help, I have tried looking at it from all angles, its all just a mess in my mind. None of my friends know all this cause I didn't want to put the school in a bad light, but I need some words of wisdom.
Thanks
~Lynn
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~Lynn

Bulltahr · Brown Belt

Hi Lynn, Welcome to KF!
From my life experience, and take from that what you will. For whatever reason, the knives are out, and the cancer has taken over, so to speak. The bad news is if there is nowhere else for you to train then you only have 1 option if you want to continue, really not an option if you ask me tho. I hope someone else can here can be more positive for you, but it seems a very toxic environment with a perceived competition for favour by this woman. What normally happens in this sort of situation is that the boss/owner doesn't see the problem until it's too late and everyone else has left........
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"We don't have any money, so we will have to think" - Ernest Rutherford

Nidan Melbourne · KF Sempai

Hi Lynn,

That is unfortunate of the situation that you are now in. It is difficult on the two scenarios that you have listed.

For the lack of payment, how is your club going in terms of numbers of students that train?

But I do see it strange that he decided to take over your classes and not pay you for your services. Especially if it was after a certain amount of time that you were actively paid for your services. As I started of as unpaid, but only till mid-2016 that I started getting paid and that was after 4 years of actively teaching with him.

It happens when instructors are replaced or leave, a drop will occur in terms of student body. As it happened when my sensei left our former club, 90% of the students left the dojo and followed him to his own club that he started.

Then your second situation regarding one of the other instructors, can develop usually out of jealousy or a comment that you may or may not have made and rubbed them the wrong way and they never said anything about it.

I'd say either train/teach on a day that they're not there (if possible) or move on. As you have every right to not have to deal with what has happened and to be treated fairly. So if you left, then your students would be understanding if they found out your reasons for leaving.

As much you want to train in a Traditional Dojo, are there any other dojo that are closer to your place of residence and work that is more of a reasonable distance to travel?

I ask because, in a way I feel like you may be slightly restricting yourself in the type of school that you can train in. Because I know many dojo that exactly "Traditional" but teach in a way that is still traditional yet taught in a way that is scientific and through best practice to enhance the training of the student.

Kusotare · Purple Belt

singularity6 · Pre-Black Belt

I too have hopes to teach martial arts at some point. The easiest solution at this point, in my opinion, would be to just continue as a student (maybe assist in teaching when appropriate) and get another rank, or two. Then open your own school.

Regarding Facebook: I was on Facebook since its inception, when it was "college students only." It started off fun, but the larger my friends list got, the more stressful it became. The negatives were far outweighing the positives. At first, culling my friends list seemed to help. Eventually, I just deleted my profile. I freed up a whole bunch of time, and now have much less stress! Also, if the comments you mentioned were indeed bullying, you can report them to Facebook. They will respond appropriately.
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5th Geup Jidokwan Tae Kwon Do/Hap Ki Do

(Never officially tested in aikido, iaido or kendo)

Alan Armstrong · Black Belt

With having four years experience, it sounds like the owner was using you for a temporary position, till the moment was right to take over completely, without you.

Look at this as an experience for the future, when you have and run your own school.

Obviously you are a responsible type of person, use the time you have to improve your skills to be a better teacher; the more you know the more you can pass on to students.

In the future, set yourself up so you cannot be debunked, be independent and secure in your position.

Learn the business side of martial arts also and stick to your dreams and ambitions.

When one door closes another one opens, be prepared to walk through the next door more stronger and confident every time opportunities knock.

KarateLdy · White Belt

Thank you all for your time, I appreciate your willingness to read and respond with your thoughts. Here is a response for each or you:

Bulltahr: You are right, they wont likely realize it until its too late, and then they still likely wont "get" it. Thanks for your input!

Nidan Melbourne: We currently have about 100 students. Regarding the owner's wife, I am not without fault. I have done things unintentional but I have apologized and corrected any error. Over time it seems I can't do right by her. Others can do no wrong.. No apologies from her at all. But it is what it is. Thanks for your insight.

Kusatare: Wise words, thank you. Teaching is not my only purpose for practicing martial arts. But I do feel the need to give back to the kids and adults in our community. Teaching them how to do a proper kick or application of a kata is one thing but giving them the confidence and other empowering qualities is very important to me.. I wish someone did that for me a a child.

Singularity 6: I am leaning towards staying and limiting my involvement, stepping back from instructing and just being a student getting as much as I can out of it. Thank you.

Alan Armstrong: Great advice, just needed to hear it! Thank you!

Again thanks everyone, just needed some clarity.

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~Lynn

DWx · Black Belt

Lynn, first of all welcome to KF

Your story sounds all too familiar to me....

What is your end goal? Do you want to open a school and teach full time? Or just help out at the current school? Either way, though it might be hard to do, I would take a step back and concentrate on your own training for a bit and taking as much as you can from the training. Once you've ranked up and have a few more years experience, other doors may open up and give you the opportunity to teach.
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"Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it." ~ Confucius

KarateLdy · White Belt

Thank you DWx, yes I agree, and will stick it out, step back and do my best to ignore the childish behaviors. I intend to soak up every bit I can, attend some seminars I have registered for, attend some tournaments to test my skills and continue to practice, study hard and practice some more!

Thanks again!
~lynn
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~Lynn

Kusotare · Purple Belt

What system / style do you study Karateldy?
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Usque ad mortem bibendum!

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