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sensei8
KF Sensei
Joined: 23 Feb 2008
Posts: 16420
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Styles: Shindokan Saitou-ryu [Shuri-te/Okinawa-te based]
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 Posted: Sun Sep 24, 2017 10:45 am Post subject: |
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My fist wife wasn't supportive of my MA at all; she wanted and demanded all of the attention. I tried to be the attentive husband, but over time, overwhelming demands from her on me and my MA was more than I could stand.
She gave me a ultimatum: Her or Shindokan!!
BIG MISTAKE ON HER PART!!
While we had two beautiful children together, and we had been married 14 years, the time for us had expired.
"I've known Shindokan FAR MUCH longer than you!! You want me to choose Shindokan or you...and you've not once supported my MA career, well, see you, wouldn't want to be you, I choose Shindokan. BYE!!"
Harsh!? Good!? It was meant to be!!
For over 3 years, I didn't trust women whatsoever, because of my first wife!! Not my mom or grandmother's or Aunt's or Niece's or my sister...not one woman. This mindset of mine upset all of the men in my family...Dad, Uncle's, Grandfather's, Nephew's, and my brother...but physically, they knew they had no chance against me in a "Family Attitude Adjustment" beating!! I was an outcast!! Cool with me!
Enter my 2nd, and current wife, Linda!! Had it not been for her, I'd still be that bitter against women. Linda and I have been married 25 years, June 2017!!
_________________
**Proof is on the floor!!! |
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MatsuShinshii
Black Belt
Joined: 15 Aug 2016
Posts: 1423
Location: Kentucky
Styles: Machimura Suidi Rokudan, Ryukyu Kenpo, Kobudo, Judo
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| Posted: Mon Sep 25, 2017 3:48 pm Post subject: Re: Finding the balance |
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| Spartacus Maximus wrote: |
A question for anyone training regularly while holding a full time job (that is not teaching martial arts) and having a family.
How much time are you able to spend training in a week, not counting time at the dojo or school?
Personally, it is a great week when 4 hours total is possible. Average is slightly less and not including 2 hours at the dojo on weekends. Maybe more can be done, but it is doubtful with 10h of work and family/children/household to mind. |
Incorporate the family into your training. Teach your children and wife (if old enough) and make it a family event. Even if you do not teach you can use this as a way to spend quality time with your kids and get your training in at the same time.
Believe it or not, by teaching, you'll start to question more and have more Aha moments. You're training and understanding will progress. When you are learning you are nothing more than a sponge that takes knowledge in without question. When you teach you have to answer questions and prove why you do something. This forces you to look deeper and with this comes a better understanding. Win win. Family time and training.
_________________
The person who succeeds is not the one who holds back, fearing failure, nor the one who never fails-but the one who moves on in spite of failure.
Charles R. Swindoll |
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Alan Armstrong
Black Belt
Joined: 28 Feb 2016
Posts: 2468
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| Posted: Mon Sep 25, 2017 5:43 pm Post subject: |
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Something I learned to do when balancing work, kids and martial arts was "Power napping"
Became so good and fast at it, started calling it "a snap"
While staying balanced with making a living, family and martial arts, we do have "I Ching" to help us understand the Yins and Yangs and constant changes, something other pursuits don't have at their disposal. |
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Spartacus Maximus
Black Belt
Joined: 01 Jun 2014
Posts: 1902
Styles: Shorin ryu
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| Posted: Mon Sep 25, 2017 5:51 pm Post subject: |
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Involving the family is a great idea, but only if they are able to join and seriously interested enough to participate. In the case of children, this usually is impossible until they are old enough to concentrate on something.
Of course it is possible to adjust to their age, but it isn't really reasonable to expect anything more than a few minutes from one's child when they are younger than 10. The rest depends on their personality and character, whatever age they are. |
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MatsuShinshii
Black Belt
Joined: 15 Aug 2016
Posts: 1423
Location: Kentucky
Styles: Machimura Suidi Rokudan, Ryukyu Kenpo, Kobudo, Judo
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| Posted: Tue Sep 26, 2017 6:48 pm Post subject: |
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| Spartacus Maximus wrote: |
Involving the family is a great idea, but only if they are able to join and seriously interested enough to participate. In the case of children, this usually is impossible until they are old enough to concentrate on something.
Of course it is possible to adjust to their age, but it isn't really reasonable to expect anything more than a few minutes from one's child when they are younger than 10. The rest depends on their personality and character, whatever age they are. |
Balancing family, work and training is a challenge. It was just a thought.
_________________
The person who succeeds is not the one who holds back, fearing failure, nor the one who never fails-but the one who moves on in spite of failure.
Charles R. Swindoll |
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Spartacus Maximus
Black Belt
Joined: 01 Jun 2014
Posts: 1902
Styles: Shorin ryu
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| Posted: Tue Sep 26, 2017 8:40 pm Post subject: |
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| One of the challenges of balancing or even just maintaining a regular training time is the risk of alienating others. This is especially true if these other family members are unable or unwilling to accept, understand or support it. This probably isn't limited to martial arts and could be extended to anything else requiring a time commitment to be meaningful. |
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singularity6
Pre-Black Belt
Joined: 26 Jun 2017
Posts: 958
Location: Michigan
Styles: Jidokwan Taekwondo and Hapkido, Yoshokai Aikido, ZNIR Iaido, Kendo
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| Posted: Wed Sep 27, 2017 4:50 am Post subject: |
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I really can't wait until we buy a house. My apartment has almost no room to train. If the house we buy doesn't have enough space for a dojo, I will build one on top of the garage.
_________________
5th Geup Jidokwan Tae Kwon Do/Hap Ki Do
(Never officially tested in aikido, iaido or kendo) |
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bushido_man96
KF Sensei
Joined: 31 Mar 2006
Posts: 30188
Location: Hays, KS
Styles: Taekwondo, Combat Hapkido, Aikido, GRACIE, Police Krav Maga, SPEAR
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| Posted: Wed Sep 27, 2017 8:42 pm Post subject: |
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| Spartacus Maximus wrote: |
| One of the challenges of balancing or even just maintaining a regular training time is the risk of alienating others. This is especially true if these other family members are unable or unwilling to accept, understand or support it. This probably isn't limited to martial arts and could be extended to anything else requiring a time commitment to be meaningful. |
You are right on the money. I'm kind of lucky in that I met my wife at my TKD class, so she pretty much gets it. But, I've got two young boys at home that play sports and have school activities, so I get caught up doing those things a lot. Right now, I get one class in per week. I spend other nights watching my oldest son at football practice, and after that, wrestling season will start up, and I watch both boys at that. Add that into a rotating work schedule with different days off every few months, it gets hard to stay consistent. My weight training has gone out the window for now. Hopefully in a few months, I can get back to it.
So, it can be difficult, finding that balance.
_________________
www.haysgym.com
http://www.sunyis.com/
www.aikidoofnorthwestkansas.com |
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Alan Armstrong
Black Belt
Joined: 28 Feb 2016
Posts: 2468
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| Posted: Thu Nov 02, 2017 6:49 pm Post subject: |
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| A true karate-ka takes the physical skills, discipline and power of concentration developed at the dojo and applies them to work, family and social life. In this way, karate is integrated into the fabric of our lives; it is not something separate. The way of karate is the way of everyday life. •Tadashi Nakamura, Karate, Technique & Spirit |
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JR 137
Black Belt
Joined: 10 May 2015
Posts: 2442
Location: In the dojo
Styles: Seido Juku
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| Posted: Fri Nov 03, 2017 12:16 pm Post subject: |
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| Alan Armstrong wrote: |
| A true karate-ka takes the physical skills, discipline and power of concentration developed at the dojo and applies them to work, family and social life. In this way, karate is integrated into the fabric of our lives; it is not something separate. The way of karate is the way of everyday life. •Tadashi Nakamura, Karate, Technique & Spirit |
Ive met the guy who wrote that. He’s pretty smart. And it’s a pretty good book.
He’s my organization’s founder. I originally bought that book in ‘95. My former organization’s founders are front row in a picture of Nakamura and his senior black belts. I bought it back then because I thought it was cool to have a book with his and a few others’ picture in it. Turned out to be some very good reading. |
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on the post.
