Add KarateForums.com
VOTING OPEN! KarateForums.com Awards 2019!
Username:    Password:
Remember Me?    
   I Lost My Password!
Post new topic   Reply to topic    KarateForums.com Forum Index -> Internal Arts and Philosophy
Goto page 1, 2  Next
 See a User Guidelines violation? Press on the post.
Author Message

Saie
White Belt
White Belt

Joined: 22 Jun 2012
Posts: 13
Location: Virginia
Styles: Shorin Ryu, Chinese Kenpo, Muay Thai, Hung Gar

PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 9:27 pm    Post subject: Good or Bad reason for confrontation? Reply with quote

So I need advice, specifically from mature martial artists who's values I hold highly. That being said, mainly from teachers and high ranking students who can truly understand the philosophy and values of being a martial artist, and respect them.

My problem is this; I've been dating this girl for two years now, and recently this boy has been bugging her. A couple inches taller than me, and somewhat more built. I've asked her obviously to take care of it, and she did for the most part, screaming at him "NO" as he attempted to hug her in class. In front of everyone, he sat down saying "fine then" and was pretty upset, walking angrily past her after class.

Now he's known to hit girls, this is a high school matter. Regardless, if he should make any sort of insult/aggression towards her, shall I confront him? Or what would be the best course of action for her or myself?

I'm really ready to go off on this guy. I no longer attend the same school, and he knows me and the fact my twin and I are known as the talented local martial artists around. It's sort of our reputation, but this doesn't bother him the slightest, seeing as he has size and strength to his advantage, but no martial arts training.

"So just because he's bigger doesn't mean crap, just saying.. However, no do not confront him unless he actually hits her or you because if he hasn't necessarily done anything to harm anyone then let her continue telling him no. When and if he hits her yea that's a problem, until then it's not in your hands&& as a martial artist you need to stick to that" - Brandi Montoya, fourth in the nation of female youth boxers, personal friend of mine.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message

JusticeZero
Black Belt
Black Belt

Joined: 02 Apr 2005
Posts: 2166
Location: AK
Styles: Capoeira Angola

PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 10:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

If he confronts her while you are present then you should definitely warn him to leave. Don't push it any more into escalado though. Just communicate that not only does she not want him around, but that you are backing her up on it. If he tries to turn it into a fight, drop the police on his head and walk away with your ladyfriend. Take your cues from the missus, but talk it over with her beforehand. If he tries to infer that this makes you any less of a man just remember - you've got an awesome girlfriend that you've been spending time with for two years, and he? can't even get a hug without committing assault.
_________________
"Anything worth doing is worth doing badly." - Baleia
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message

Saie
White Belt
White Belt

Joined: 22 Jun 2012
Posts: 13
Location: Virginia
Styles: Shorin Ryu, Chinese Kenpo, Muay Thai, Hung Gar

PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 10:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

JusticeZero wrote:
If he confronts her while you are present then you should definitely warn him to leave. Don't push it any more into escalado though. Just communicate that not only does she not want him around, but that you are backing her up on it. If he tries to turn it into a fight, drop the police on his head and walk away with your ladyfriend. Take your cues from the missus, but talk it over with her beforehand. If he tries to infer that this makes you any less of a man just remember - you've got an awesome girlfriend that you've been spending time with for two years, and he? can't even get a hug without committing assault.


Absolutely love this. Lol, really boosted my confidence in keeping my hands clean. Thank you.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message

pittbullJudoka
Black Belt
Black Belt

Joined: 25 Jun 2004
Posts: 1165
Location: Tennessee
Styles: Ryu Kyu Kempo,Wrestling,Brazilian Jiu Jitsu

PostPosted: Thu Sep 06, 2012 6:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You are a more talented martial artist if you can defuse the situation with words and not your fists. But be ready for anything to happen you never know what others intentions are. Good luck with it.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger

darksoul
Purple Belt
Purple Belt

Joined: 19 Jul 2012
Posts: 548
Location: Montréal, QC, Canada
Styles: Shaolin Kempo

PostPosted: Thu Sep 06, 2012 7:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

pittbullJudoka wrote:
You are a more talented martial artist if you can defuse the situation with words and not your fists. But be ready for anything to happen you never know what others intentions are. Good luck with it.


This.

When it comes to me, the above is more of a do as I say, not as I do thing, because my wife is beyond precious to me.

This is my one hypocritical point. I avoid fighting every way I can, except if you bring my wife in it. The second you cross that line, you get one verbal warning to shut up and walk away. The slightest retort to me, or my wife, will land you in a world of hurt.
_________________
Shodan - Shaolin Kempo
███████████████▌█
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message

Reaper6
Yellow Belt
Yellow Belt

Joined: 05 Sep 2012
Posts: 27
Location: AL, USA
Styles: Judo, Kyokushin Karate, JKD

PostPosted: Thu Sep 06, 2012 8:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

First, your wife, girlfriend, or family are an extension of yourself and should be readily defended. However, "fighting" in general is a choice, while self defense is something you have to do when all positive options are exhausted. This situation seems to fall into a social violence situation, likely akin to male status seeking behavior. If there are ways to avoid conflict without the use of violence, use them, bruised ego or not. If the subject leaves you no choice, act, and act decisively.
_________________
"We do not rise to the level of our expectations. We fall to the level of our training"
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website

Saie
White Belt
White Belt

Joined: 22 Jun 2012
Posts: 13
Location: Virginia
Styles: Shorin Ryu, Chinese Kenpo, Muay Thai, Hung Gar

PostPosted: Thu Sep 06, 2012 10:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you, everyone. This really inspired me to take the higher path, spoke with my girlfriend, she's already handled it verbally, and he's off her case.

I also spoke with him, and in a calm collected manner, just the two of us. He shook my hand and apologized.

But I still don't like this fool
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message

evergrey
Brown Belt
Brown Belt

Joined: 21 Jun 2010
Posts: 734

Styles: kyokushin

PostPosted: Thu Sep 27, 2012 5:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

OSU, good on you! That's the way to do it. You don't have to like him, but you took the high road and did the right thing!

Remember:

The first great accomplishment is to achieve the power to destroy.

The second, much greater accomplishment is to possess that power, and to have the will to choose not to use it.
_________________
http://kyokushinchick.blogspot.com/
"If you can fatally judo-chop a bull, you can sit however you want." -MasterPain, on why Mas Oyama had Kyokushin karateka sit in seiza with their clenched fists on their thighs.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website

SamsIAmz
Yellow Belt
Yellow Belt

Joined: 09 Sep 2012
Posts: 46
Location: New Jersey
Styles: Karate (a little judo/capoeira)

PostPosted: Thu Sep 27, 2012 10:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm glad to hear it de-escalated without a physical confrontation.

The true goal of the martial arts is not to have the strength to fight someone. It's to have the strength to deal with situations in the most harmonious manner possible, while still standing strongly for what you believe in.

I think you handled it well. Don't let your anger get the best of you. It will always leave you worse off in the end.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message

Harkon72
Black Belt
Black Belt

Joined: 27 Aug 2012
Posts: 1875
Location: Wales
Styles: Okinawan Karate, Aikido, Ninpo.

PostPosted: Fri Sep 28, 2012 8:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Being a Martial Artist is a responsibility, being calm and collected is your gift to an aggressor.
_________________
Look to the far mountain and see all.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    KarateForums.com Forum Index -> Internal Arts and Philosophy All times are GMT - 6 Hours
Goto page 1, 2  Next
Page 1 of 2
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


< Advertising - Contact - Disclosure Policy - Staff - User Guidelines >