One guy's karate journey

shortyafter · Orange Belt

Big night tonight. I posted previously that I was feeling really good about my karate - only one problem, my yoko-geri looks really ugly, and I'm not executing properly. I'm sure you can all relate, but in the back of my mind there was a voice whispering to me (sometimes yelling) that "I can't do this". For me, as a chubby kid who got picked last for dodgeball growing up, sometimes I get the feeling that my body isn't as good or functional as other people's. This is actually one of the #1 reasons I'm doing karate. There it was again rearing it's ugly head, and, no matter what your circumstances - as martial artists (and human beings) I'm sure we can all relate to that idea of "I can't do this".

One of the biggest concrete things I've overcome (actually outside of karate, but hey, it's all karate, right?) is learning how to roll my R's. I'm an American living in Spain, so Spanish language is very important to me. I was convinced "I couldn't do it" but through persistence and lots of practice and searching, I finally got it. Now I can roll like a champ. But it was very similar to what I described above - I felt my body / tongue couldn't physically do it. I was wrong.

So today my karate instructor was explaining the yoko-geri again, and he mentioned something that just totally "clicked" with me. You know that feeling? he said, try launching it from "behind" - in kosa-dachi. Sometime from all my efforts I knew that was important for me. So I tried that, and after class I showed my teacher - "is this it?" And he said. "Yep, that's it!" I did it! I can do it.

Now it's a question of being able to launch from other positions that aren't necessarily kosa-dachi, but the idea is the same. I feel the mechanism and I know what my body needs to do and where it needs to go to execute this kick. And I showed myself now that I can do it.

A big victory for me. Thanks folks.

bushido_man96 · KF Sensei

Perseverance is the key. That's one of those "aha!" moments that Sensei8 talks about. May many more come your way!
_________________
www.haysgym.com
http://www.sunyis.com/
www.aikidoofnorthwestkansas.com

sensei8 · KF Sensei

shortyafter · Orange Belt

Thank you bushidho_man96 and sensei8. It's crazy to think this is actually happening, but it is! It was definitely an "a-ha!" moment and it's good to hear from others that my MA journey is being properly nourished.

Also great to have this community here to be able to share, get feedback, and get support. I really appreciate it guys. Thanks.

bushido_man96 · KF Sensei

Anytime!
_________________
www.haysgym.com
http://www.sunyis.com/
www.aikidoofnorthwestkansas.com

shortyafter · Orange Belt

TL;DR (Too long, didn't read) at the bottom.

So earlier I posted about "more big news" coming soon. Then I posted I had successfully executed a yoko-geri, which wasn't what I meant by that, but was a good surprise none the less. Anyway, the big news was that my karate school was organizing a trip for a kata tournament in Japan in late April of this year. I was feeling good about my karate, and life in general, and figured - this is once in a lifetime, let's do it.

Quick note - the school in question here is the school I started out at. After about 3 months with them I stopped training there because I moved to Spain, but I would still train with them when I went home, about 1 month a year.

Here's the story: I tried to get in touch with my CI, who would be organizing the trip, before I would be returning to Spain. I didn't get him face to face because he wasn't there my last night training before flying out, so I talked to his wife (who handles business affairs and also trains), and she was really not a lot of help at all. So I tried calling my CI, twice, and he sent me to voicemail. Finally got a response via Facebook messenger that answered a couple of my doubts, but totally left me hanging on a couple of big questions (namely: which city is this tournament even in? I have found no info online...) I think maybe I sent him like less than 3 paragraphs of text? So it's not like I was blowing him up or anything, and it was certainly an important affair.

Anyway, I figured I sort things out with my boss, which I did, and he gave me a green light yesterday. So I sent a message to the CI's wife, and she saw it but did not respond. It was only 2 simple questions, one of which, again, was which city is this tournament in? No reply. Someone told me "maybe they're not detail-oriented" but to be honest that's not it. I'm getting resistance on their end for some other reason, which is strange for me. I thought about it and thought, maybe they don't like the fact that I'm kind of independent and do my own thing (I only train with them 1 month out of the year). With this CI it tends to be his way, or the high way. I guess I kind of forgot about that until I started trying to get more involved with them.

So I decided to message a friend of mine who I noticed stopped training there about a year ago. I asked him why he stopped training, and oh boy did he tell me. Basically they gave him an ultimatum - do extra trainings on the weekend, or be expelled from the dojo. He wanted to take a few days to think about it, but they gave him another ultimatum - decide now, or be expelled. So he took the ultimatum and stopped training with them. Honestly seems like crappy conduct to me, and it bears a clear resemblance to the way they've been treating me with this Japan trip.

But there's more. We are both of the opinion that some of what goes on there isn't just "tough", but also at times humiliating and borderline abusive (or straight up abusive). Nothing where like, cops need to be called, but enough to the point that I don't want to get too close to those people... and definitely enough to not want to spend big money to take a trip with them. Again, I sort of got this vibe from them before, and myself have walked out of there mildly injured as an 8th kyu. So I made a point NOT to get too close, but I did go back because "tough" karate does have it's benefits, right? Well, now it seems those pros have been outweighed by the cons, especially in regards to this trip.

Part of the reason I'm doing karate is because I'm learning how to stand up for myself - to say no to things that aren't good for me, and to say yes to things that are. It looks like now I'm going to have to say "no" to this trip, and this school, because of the bad vibes I'm getting from them... There's an older gentleman who started the same week as me, who is now a brown belt there. Physically, he seems more apt. But emotionally and such, he still seems kind of beat down. Like a victim of sorts. In fact a lot of the people there kind of seem that way. And that's kind of the guy I was, but don't want to be anymore. Maybe these people are more physically apt, but, for me karate is deeper than that.

To be honest this has screwed with my head, because now I'm second guessing everything. They say everyone has their side to the story, and the truth is somewhere in the middle. So maybe thinking these people are an evil, abusive cult is somewhat of an exaggeration. I'm sure they have good intentions and obviously the CI is quite an apt karateka. However, I must be honest with the fact that I get a sour vibe from them... At the end of the day it's not about who's wrong or who's right, who's bad or who's good - it's about what works for me. And the way these people do things doesn't work for me.

Luckily I have a great teacher here in Spain. I saw tonight that he too can be a bit harsh with his tongue, but it's not anything like this guy back home... And like I said, everybody's got their flaws. It's just about choosing who I want to be with, who I want to train with - what works for me, basically. And at the end of the day if I'm doing best by me I'll have more to give back to the people in my life.

I really like the Funakoshi quote, "Karate is in everything. That's the beauty of it." And this has been an important part of my karate journey. Having the courage to trust my gut and shake off something that doesn't suit me.

Still a bit shaken up, like I said, but I feel good about my decision and my direction. Let me know what you all think. Thanks for listening folks.

TL;DR - Ugly realizations about the karate school I train at 1 month out of the year, and one that I was planning on taking a trip to Japan with. I'm sure their intentions are good, and the truth is somewhere in the middle, but these don't seem to be the class of people I really want to be associating with. Especially not when it comes to dropping a lot of money to spend time with them.

MatsuShinshii · Black Belt

It sounds like you have a made a good decision for yourself.

One thing puzzles me though... what were the circumstances under which this instructor gave your friend this ultimatum of train on weekends or be expelled?

I can't wrap my head around why an instructor would give such an ultimatum. On the one hand I immediately went to the greed aspect of trying to force this student to pay for more classes but the instructor had to know that the possibility of him quitting was there so this makes no sense. Then there is the possibility that maybe this student did not come to class consistently and maybe had missed many classes and the instructor felt like he was wasting his time so he decided to push him. But you failed to mention this and made it seem like he was a good student so I am perplexed why any instructor would give this ultimatum knowing as an instructor myself that we have no power to compel out students to do anything they do not wish to do. But then I don't understand the logic of "or be expelled".

There has to be more to the story. I know that some instructors can be jerks but expelling on the grounds that a student will not train on the weekends?????

Can you give a little more history here?

As far as for yourself and making the decision you did, I agree with you 100%. You have to do what is best for you. Quitting because the instructor is tough is a terrible reason. But this is not the reason you are quitting. If an instructor can not give you a few seconds out of his day to answer one of his students questions then you know he doesn't hold his students very highly on his list of priorities.

I think you made the right decision. I would of encouraged you to speak directly with this instructor to get reasons for ignoring you and thoughts but confronting someone and coming up with the same conclusion, which it sounds like you would, serves no purpose.

Bravo for making a tough decision for yourself. Keep training and making good decisions.
_________________
The person who succeeds is not the one who holds back, fearing failure, nor the one who never fails-but the one who moves on in spite of failure.
Charles R. Swindoll

shortyafter · Orange Belt

Hey MatsuShinshii, thanks for your reply.

Let me see if I can give you more detail, from what I know about the situation. I don't think it has anything to do with money, from my experience, plus because the student said he offered to finish paying his yearly contract but the teacher cancelled it because "they don't need money from someone with such a negative view of the organization". It sounds really strange (which is why my mind is sort of blown), but I think it's more of an ego trip and above all a control thing.

Me and this student started on the same day, and he advanced to brown belt quickly - I thought he was a very good karate student, and my impression was that he was actually one of the CI's favorites. I'm pretty sure he was training at least 2 nights a week (which is the specified minimum for advancement). Beyond that, at this school they started doing 4-6 hour trainings on weekends as an extra option for those who were very dedicated - but that was obviously supposed to be extra. Mind you the student in question is a father of 3 with a full time job... Again it sounds strange but it keeps coming back to some weird control thing. Hate to say it but the word "cult" even seems somewhat appropriate.

As for the Japan trip. I started thinking about and to be honest it's totally possible that they didn't even want me going, hence their reluctance to get back to me. Why wouldn't they want me going? Well, because I'm not really part of their inner circle and have showed reluctance in the past to get too close to them. Or maybe they're just inconsiderate like I originally thought. Maybe a bit of both.

And yes, I agree, and I tried getting them as direct as possible - getting the wife (head of business affairs) face-to-face, trying to reach CI on the phone - but from day 1 they've shown great reluctance to fill me in. And I thought about trying to get in touch with the both of them one more time, which would be the normal route in these kinds of situations. Problem is, this behavior seems indicative of a larger pattern, a pattern that is negative and that I honestly want no part of. And that view was confirmed by the ex-student we talked about above.

Appreciate you getting back to me and curious to hear if you have more thoughts. Like I said this is all very strange for me and it's left me feeling a bit confused. But happy that I trusted my gut and made a positive decision for me.

JR 137 · Black Belt

Playing devil’s advocate here...

The student was a brown belt and they wanted him to go to the extra training sessions on the weekend. Was this help him prepare for a possibly upcoming black belt test? I could see an instructor setting this up and wanting his students nearing the test to participate. Whenever we have a student who’s getting ready for a black belt test (any dan ranking), my CI asks the black belts to come in and help prepare the student on an off day, usually after regular Saturday classes or on Sunday. The more people there, the more sparring partners and sets of eyes on the student. They all get together a few times and it’s kind of like a private lesson for the student. But it’s absolutely optional for everyone involved; if people can’t make it it’s no big deal. Or if the student testing just flat out doesn’t want to, it’s his/her training. It’s simply a way to help each other out and pay it forward from when people helped you if you’re not testing. If it’s like this, it might be that the teacher in question doesn’t like the fact that he’s trying to help the student along and the student care. That’s a reach, but you never know.

Second thought is are you close to the “expelled” student? If so, perhaps you’re guilty by association in his mind. He might feel you two are commiserating.

Regardless of why, it’s all irrelevant. You deserve to train somewhere you feel completely comfortable and not looking over your shoulder. You shouldn’t feel like you’re walking on eggshells nor begging to be treated like you’re a part of the dojo.

shortyafter · Orange Belt

Hey JR, thanks for your response.

It could be true that he was preparing for black belt and needed extra training to get there, etc. I'm not totally sure because I was overseas when most of this went down. That would have been more reasonable, yeah. But the ultimatum still doesn't make sense. It would be one thing to say - "come to extra trainings, or I can't give you a black belt". That would make more sense in my mind. But "come to extra trainings or you can't train at all?" It's like holding somebody hostage. I also think student in question was quite dedicated, but maybe not ready to take the leap that Sensei wanted him to (which is his right, no?)

Also, no, I wasn't exceptionally close with said student. We got along very well, and he's my friend on Facebook but beyond training we didn't really have any contact. But I did find it odd when he suddenly dropped off the dojo map. I didn't ask him anything at the time - it was only when I started getting a weird vibe that I decided to investigate a bit.

I'm sure there is some good intention in the instructor's mind, and I did learn a lot of good lessons about strength and perseverance from him. I think he really thinks he's on to something, and if you just listen to him, he can push you to a new level. But as a teacher myself I know you can't force a student to do something he's unwilling to do... A shove, a push in the right direction, tough love - yeah. But at the end of the day I think this CI is too forceful, too controlling.

And you're absolutely right. I do feel like I'm walking on eggshells with these people, and I do deserve better than that - thanks for saying that.

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