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bushido_man96
KF Sensei
KF Sensei

Joined: 31 Mar 2006
Posts: 28921
Location: Hays, KS
Styles: Taekwondo, Combat Hapkido, Aikido, GRACIE

PostPosted: Tue Jun 29, 2021 12:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

DWx wrote:
Thanks for the replies so far all.

I totally don't want to force her to do anything as she clearly doesn't enjoy it. She did back in the early days but I think once she got past the first couple of belts things got a bit hard for her and she needed to work. Quite honestly I think she lacks any self-discipline and is a bit lazy. From watching her with her parents she gets her own way all the time and has never worked for anything.

It's a hard one as my sister hated TKD at one point around 3rd kup and my parents made her do 6 months more before she was allowed to quit. She got over it and has now been in it 20 years.


You might consider a sit-down with her and the parents, and talk about how it's important to learn to work hard and push through adversity, and still find the enjoyment in things, especially the accomplishments. This can be a tough conversation to have with someone so young, but the parents might be able to help out with it, too. See if you can get her to flip her attitude on the matter, and motivate her to work hard and find the enjoyment in the training.
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sensei8
KF Sensei
KF Sensei

Joined: 23 Feb 2008
Posts: 15424
Location: Houston, TX
Styles: Shindokan Saitou-ryu [Shuri-te/Okinawa-te based]

PostPosted: Tue Jun 29, 2021 5:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'd just let her go; either the student wants to train or not, and if not, I've no desire to beg any student about anything. Sounds mean?? Maybe!! My energy needs to be focusing on the Student Body, the entire Student Body, the students that want to be there.

I'd have a conversation or two, and if no ground has been gained, well, then thank them all, leave the door open for her return, and then show them the door...professionally, of course.

It's not personal after all; it's just business.



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DWx
KF Sensei
KF Sensei

Joined: 17 Jan 2007
Posts: 6418
Location: UK
Styles: Tae Kwon Do & Yang family Tai Chi

PostPosted: Wed Jun 30, 2021 4:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Zaine wrote:
She might just have ADHD. My ADHD made me act similarly and my mother had a similar policy about being in it for a certain amount of time. I ended up where I am now, 19 years later and still obsessed.

I'm definitely not an expert but I think its probably not ADHD. We have 3 we ADHD diagnoses and it's very different from each of them. She just doesn't want to be there.
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"Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it." ~ Confucius
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DWx
KF Sensei
KF Sensei

Joined: 17 Jan 2007
Posts: 6418
Location: UK
Styles: Tae Kwon Do & Yang family Tai Chi

PostPosted: Wed Jun 30, 2021 4:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

bushido_man96 wrote:
DWx wrote:
Thanks for the replies so far all.

I totally don't want to force her to do anything as she clearly doesn't enjoy it. She did back in the early days but I think once she got past the first couple of belts things got a bit hard for her and she needed to work. Quite honestly I think she lacks any self-discipline and is a bit lazy. From watching her with her parents she gets her own way all the time and has never worked for anything.

It's a hard one as my sister hated TKD at one point around 3rd kup and my parents made her do 6 months more before she was allowed to quit. She got over it and has now been in it 20 years.


You might consider a sit-down with her and the parents, and talk about how it's important to learn to work hard and push through adversity, and still find the enjoyment in things, especially the accomplishments. This can be a tough conversation to have with someone so young, but the parents might be able to help out with it, too. See if you can get her to flip her attitude on the matter, and motivate her to work hard and find the enjoyment in the training.

Yeah I think that's the way I'm going to go. It might be a good time to talk anyway as we just had a belt test and they were not invited to participate..
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Spartacus Maximus
Black Belt
Black Belt

Joined: 01 Jun 2014
Posts: 1868

Styles: Shorin ryu

PostPosted: Fri Jul 02, 2021 9:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Starting and continuing martial arts is always a matter of personal choice. The problem is that youths and children may not be aware that they must and ought to be able to decide for themselves by themselves. In many case where the child doesnít come forward is because they might feel pressurer by their parents or sr worried that quitting will get them in trouble somehow or put them in an uncomfortable position. They might just be too shy to speak their own mind about it.

The best way to approach this is to ask her directly and remind her that itís ok if she doesnít want to train and no one will blame her for it. After that meet with the parents and support the student and helping her explain to them that she doesnít want to be there.
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Zaine
Black Belt
Black Belt

Joined: 31 Aug 2005
Posts: 1770
Location: Dallas, TX
Styles: Shorin Ryu, Shobayashi-Ryu, Shudokan, Long Fist, American Street Karate, Mantis, Schola Saint George (HEMA)

PostPosted: Sat Jul 03, 2021 2:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

DWx wrote:
Zaine wrote:
She might just have ADHD. My ADHD made me act similarly and my mother had a similar policy about being in it for a certain amount of time. I ended up where I am now, 19 years later and still obsessed.

I'm definitely not an expert but I think its probably not ADHD. We have 3 we ADHD diagnoses and it's very different from each of them. She just doesn't want to be there.


It could still be ADHD; it's a spectrum. That said, it's probably a moot point one way or the other. At the end of the day she doesn't want to be there and it's becoming a distraction.
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