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KickChick
Black Belt
Joined: 02 Aug 2001
Posts: 3282
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 Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2002 12:52 pm Post subject: |
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1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
ATT&T fired President John Walter after 9 months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS.
Police in Oakland, California spent 2 hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing 10 tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to 2 different automated teller machines, whereinthe kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied upthe store clerk and worked the counter himself for 3 hours until the police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all you money or I'll shoot." The man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING?
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only 2 minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the
doctor asked. "No!", the man shouted, "This is her husband!".
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED.
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (uhhh, helllllooooooo!)
8. THE GRAND FINALE . . .
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boating going. It was very sluggish in almost everymaneuver, no matter how much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out drive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped into the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. Under the boat, still securely in place, was the trailer!
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KickChick
Black Belt
Joined: 02 Aug 2001
Posts: 3282
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| Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2002 1:04 pm Post subject: |
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Bank Robbers
Excerpted from an article which appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank
robbery on March 2, 1999:
Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the internal security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash and valuables, were
surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes scattered throughout the bank. The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they foundonly a bowl of vanilla pudding. As recorded on the bank's audiotape system, one robber said, "At least we'll have a bit to eat." The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all the safes were opened. They found not one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding. Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach.
The newspaper headline read: IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING
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YODA
Black Belt
Joined: 25 Jan 2002
Posts: 1033
Location: England (int'north west)
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| Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2002 1:10 pm Post subject: |
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Yeach - I've just spat beer all over my keyboard!
_________________
YODA
2nd Degree Black Belt : Doce Pares Eskrima www.docepares.co.uk
Qualified Instructor : JKD Concepts www.jkdc.co.uk
Qualified Fitness Instructor (Weights, CV, Circuit, Kinesiology) |
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Blade13
Purple Belt
Joined: 23 Aug 2001
Posts: 582
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| Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2002 1:28 pm Post subject: |
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Oh my God! Too bad there isnt a vomiting smiley... Thats disgusting! *dies* 
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Prodigy-Child
Green Belt
Joined: 02 Jul 2001
Posts: 458
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| Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2002 4:20 pm Post subject: |
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| there are some major morons out there! |
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Phantasmatic
Purple Belt
Joined: 21 Dec 2001
Posts: 586
Location: Dunlap, Illinois
Styles: Goju-Ryu, Shorei-Ryu, Shuri-Ryu, Kobudo, Judo, Shin-Kage Ryu
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| Posted: Mon Mar 18, 2002 9:24 am Post subject: |
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SICK AS HE** 
_________________
"Which one is more foolish, the fool or the fool who follows him?" - Obi Wan Kenobi |
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SaiFightsMS
KF VIP
Joined: 28 Oct 2001
Posts: 6397
Location: Ohio
Styles: Shotokan, Shorin Ryu, Shi-to Ryu
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| Posted: Mon Mar 18, 2002 10:44 am Post subject: |
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Anyone notice a common thread here? All of these act's were commited by men. :pony:
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KickChick
Black Belt
Joined: 02 Aug 2001
Posts: 3282
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| Posted: Mon Mar 18, 2002 10:53 am Post subject: |
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hmmm ....does make you wonder :pony: jokes!!
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Jack
Black Belt
Joined: 22 Jun 2001
Posts: 1591
Location: England
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| Posted: Mon Mar 18, 2002 11:37 am Post subject: |
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Beats a protein shake anyday  |
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YODA
Black Belt
Joined: 25 Jan 2002
Posts: 1033
Location: England (int'north west)
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| Posted: Mon Mar 18, 2002 3:26 pm Post subject: |
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It's just gotta be a hoax, I mean, come on (no pun intended!) - Nobody can be THAT stupid - can they?
_________________
YODA
2nd Degree Black Belt : Doce Pares Eskrima www.docepares.co.uk
Qualified Instructor : JKD Concepts www.jkdc.co.uk
Qualified Fitness Instructor (Weights, CV, Circuit, Kinesiology) |
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on the post.
