Conquering My Fears

karatekid1975 · KF VIP

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My story started when I first started martial arts. When I started, I had very little (if any) self-confidence or self-esteem. I started martial arts to learn self-defense. But I quickly found out that learning martial arts is so much more than physical abilities.

Passing my orange belt test in Tang Soo Do was a big event for me. I was allowed to spar for the first time. I promptly bought my own sparring gear. Even though I wasn't very good at sparring yet, it was kind of fun. My favorite move was the back fist. It was quick, and it scored almost every time. A few months later, I attended a sparring clinic, and I was doing fairly well, I thought, for my rank. I was using good control, and I was getting a few good points in. Then I was up against another orange belt. She kicked me full force in the stomach. She was corrected for not using control, and I was out of the clinic for the day.

After that incident, I would refuse to spar. I got to blue belt without sparring, except for tests. Even then, I would run away. I wouldn't fight back. I would just block, and back off. I believe that my instructor should have helped me with this fear of sparring. But he let me get away with not sparring.

Then I moved. I had to hunt for a new dojang. I found a Tae Kwon Do dojang. Unknown to me as a white belt there, I would have to spar. After receiving my yellow belt, I was told that I would have to spar. No excuses. I was scared. Being in an art that is full contact, it made me shutter with fear. I told my instructor this. He told me that in class, we don't fight full contact. It's light contact only. So I thought, "Ok. This shouldn't be too bad. I have good control.” Well, it was. I was still running away. I so frustrated at this point. So much so that the next time I sparred I went against my fear. I just got in there, and sparred. Now, I am more aggressive. I go after whom I spar instead of running. But I still hold back. I have too much control and/or I don't throw more than one technique.

But now, I'm like a sponge. I soak up any advice or instruction I get on sparring and try it out. I don't run anymore. Even though I can get my butt kicked, I still try to hold my ground when I spar. That is a big difference for me from when I first started at this dojang with the help of my instructor and fellow students. I want thank them all for this.

Another fear I conquered, in my opinion, was the worst for me yet. When I tested for green belt, I was so scared of being the class senior (beginners class). I made so many excuses to switch to day class, which had all ranks there. I didn't want to face the real reason why I wanted to make the switch. The real reason was "stage fright". Being the class senior, you have to lead the class in the student oath. I have a major problem with "public speaking."

I attended day classes for a long while. Then I decided that I should make up a few classes that I missed the past few months. This will enable me to test for my blue belt on time. The only way I could do that is to attend night classes, and be the class senior. I had an agreement with my instructor to try my hardest to make up these classes, so I decided to go through with it. I arrived at the dojang, and I was about to turn around and leave. But I told myself that I couldn't turn back now. I did go through with it. My voice cracked, and I fumbled my words, but I made it through.

That night was a turning point for me. In class, I was a totally different person. Knowing I was class senior, I had to set an example for the rest of the class. I tried a lot harder than usual. I paid more attention to detail, and so forth. I guess my instructor also noticed this, because he broke the class up by rank, and asked if I would help the green belts (my rank no less) with their forms. I was shocked, but honored.

I tried my hardest to help everyone, and do a good job. Even though he asked me to help with one student that is very difficult. I tried my hardest to get her to do her form (she refuses). She said, "It's too hard. I can't do it right." I told her in the gentlest way that I didn't want to hear the word "can't." Obviously, she didn't want to do it. She back-talked me and my instructor over heard her, and had a chat with her. But since I told her that I didn't want to hear the word "can't," which is something I say often as well, I refuse to say it now.

This night was a big learning experience for me. My instructor knew that I had this fear. But yet, he let me learn for myself that I can overcome my fear. I want to thank my instructor for the learning experience, and for having the faith in me that I didn't have in myself at the time. I will be going to advance class (which is taught by the master instructor), and have the honor to train with him. I just want to let him know I do appreciate all he has done for me.
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Laurie F

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karatekid1975 · KF VIP

Wow! No, thanks to you, Patrick for posting it. Sheesh, that was a while ago, and before I switched schools. But that was still a learning experience for me, and it still holds strong on how I feel about conquering fears.

Eventhough I switched schools, the instructor I was referring to is still at my boyfriends school, and we are still buds

He's a good guy at heart, and a good instructor.
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Laurie F

Goju1 · Blue Belt

Good post, Laurie! I had a similar experience back when I thought I had to win every fight/spar and got humbled a few times

You probably wouldn't think a 'powerful man' would feel like you felt, but yep, it happens! I learned to look at sparring as not so much a win/lose ego thing as a learning experience and I've become even better. Everything moves slower, I breathe better, and when /if confronted with a more real situation am calmer and more confident.
So keep sparrin' - its good for the soul
(and thanks for sharing)

G95champ · Black Belt

KK75

Good Read

Hardest thing to do is get back on the horse after you have been tossed. Thankfully I have always been to stupid to think about it before I got back up. LOL.

I always break my students into sparring. I will work them just hand and let them block then I let them block and counter. Then I bring in slow kicks and just slowly pick the pace up. Because once you get gun shy its hard to have faith in yourself. A

I am a big fan in the idea ifyou don't get hit you don't learn. Pain is a great teacher as is fear. Both can teach you a lot but the thing you always have to know is that fear and pain can never win. Unless you let them.
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(General George S. Patton Jr.) "It's the unconquerable soul of man, and not the nature of the weapon he uses, that ensures victory."

karatekid1975 · KF VIP

Thanks, guys

I don't think I'm "all that" now when I spar, but now, at least, I can get in there and hold my own. It's good enough for me

Even if I don't win, it's still a learning experience

It's actually fun to loose, because I can learn from my mistakes. It sounds weird, but it's true. It's a good thing

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Laurie F

G95champ · Black Belt

Ive always said you don't learn from winning but you do from losing.

With that said never let the other person know they won. If they hit you and it hurts laugh it off. We are all animals and can smell fear. When I was in HS the NO FEAR shirts were huge. I loved them. Thats not to sound mancho or anything just act like you have faith in yourself and your techinque because at least them the other person will thank you do and that hurts them more than you will ever know.
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(General George S. Patton Jr.) "It's the unconquerable soul of man, and not the nature of the weapon he uses, that ensures victory."

IAMA_chick · Purple Belt

that was awesome
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Tae Kwon Do
15-years old
purple--belt

karatekid1975 · KF VIP

I agree G.

Thanks IAMA_chick

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Laurie F

kchenault · Black Belt

It's a tough thing to conquer that fear of being hit really hard the first time. I went through the same thing with a senior belt my first time around with TKD. I got kicked pretty hard by a senior belt when there should have been lite contact. I didn't like to spar him after that, but talked to him and he said he came at me like that because he thought I would come at him hard. Now, I am 5'7" and he is like 6'2. I felt very flattered that someone larger than myself had misgivings about facing me in the square. Good article and thanks for sharing KK75.
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Ken Chenault
TFT - It does a body good!

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