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Smith & Wesson
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Joined: 06 Mar 2003
Posts: 119


PostPosted: Wed Mar 12, 2003 9:04 pm    Post subject: Heidi !!! Got one for you too !!!! Reply with quote

Read your reply in my other thread & It would seem that you are a woman & that you take respect seriously.

Kinda like gettin yo props(Ebonics for respect)

So I'm thinkin maybe you could help me to understand this female I had a class with, who also was concerned with gettin her props.

This dojo we was in was pretty cool, but she could suck the fun outa anything.The kinda a person that brings out the worst in folks.The reason I left was I couldn't stand to be around her & I sure wasn't gonna pay to be miserable.

Now this gal had been attending class every friggin time the doors were open.For over 2 years !!!So you'd figure she'd know sumthin by now.

Have they got a term for folks that are obsessed with their dojo ???The kinda folks that would pay to clean the mat every day just to be included in some group delusion.The delusion being if you keep sending the dojo check's that don't bounce We'll give you a colored belt & pretend you aint got 2 left feet.And the strength of an 8 year old.

Now I'm new to this dojo of mostly men.And feel I fit in pretty well with everyone but this gal has got it in her brain that because her check's havent bounced she is in some way superior to me.A fella of 6'3"220 pounds.

We would be shown a technique & in this dojo the senior partner would go first.So Immediately she's lookin around tryin to get rid of her brain lock.I say.........It's the other hand & guess what ???You think she's relieved to know at least how to start ???HE!! NO!!!! now she's angry cause somebody that has been there a month has just vocalized what the whole class already knows.Despite her colored belt the gal can't even follow something as simple as which hand to use.

So she replies with Uke shouldn't offer advice to a senior member, or sumthin like that.................So now I'm thinkin fine......... I'll offer no more help.I wont twist my arm the right way for ya.I wont fall for ya.And I wont be throw for ya.Which of course she had no chance of ever doing.

Now I'm thinkin............she must really have some Ishu's......Probally goes home & cries about stuff.Whishes people loved her & such.

Or she could be a natural born *.

Just seems to me the folks that deserve respect get it & the folks that don't ........well they get all upset when they don't get there prop's.

And before you think I'm sexist I'll do my "short man disease" post one day to balance it out.

So Heidi will ya help me to understand the diffrence between what is real & the concept of respect.Cause I sure didn't respect this gal at all.And if I ask why 6 techniques......... I don't understand how that is disrespectful.

I don't give much thought about touchy feely stuff like respect.Seem's Martial Artist & Gangstas are the ones to ask about it.
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ninjanurse
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Joined: 13 Feb 2003
Posts: 6154
Location: Upstate NY
Styles: TKD;Shotokan;JuJitsu;Tai Ji

PostPosted: Thu Mar 13, 2003 4:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It sounds to me like this person has little self-esteem and is struggling with self-respect, let alone respect for others.
I know it is difficult having these kind of students in your classes (both from a students and instructors point of view) but I tend to feel that these are the people that need the mental and emotional aspects of martial arts the most-not necessarily the physical.
Respect is something that you earn by giving respect to others-a very difficult concept for some to accept. Unfortunately we live in a society that thrives on a pecking order of sorts and the traditional values of love, kindness, respect, etc. have been replaced with a "me" attitude (I am speaking in general here, not stating that all people feel this way).
Low self-esteem is a big problem and she may feel that her rank makes her important rather than who she really is. Spending her life at the dojo may be all the life she has right now and it makes her feel useful and important. As difficult as it is to stomach, she should be treated with respect because of who she is not what she is and hopefully one day she will "get it". I am a firm believer in the concept that one does not command or demand respect because they have a certain colored belt or have studied x number of years. They earn respect by giving others respect period.
What better teacher is there than one who treats his/her students with respect and leads by example? Afterall we want them to do as we do, not as we say-right?
I don't feel that you were being dis-respectful at all and I wouldn't get my undies all in a bunch about it. One of my TKD teachers used to say this:
The definition of a mature mind is to give without remembering and to receive without forgetting. Some people are just more mature than others period!

Sorry for the rambling, you pegged me right!!!!


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Dober
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Joined: 22 Jan 2003
Posts: 124
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Styles: Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

PostPosted: Thu Mar 20, 2003 9:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You know there is such thing a "private message" feature.
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Smith & Wesson
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 20, 2003 10:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Relax Dober
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ninjanurse
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Joined: 13 Feb 2003
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Location: Upstate NY
Styles: TKD;Shotokan;JuJitsu;Tai Ji

PostPosted: Fri Mar 21, 2003 8:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The key word in PM is "private"...maybe someone else on the forum has an opinion or comment for S&W so why make it private ?
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http://the100info.tumblr.com/
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monkeygirl
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Joined: 22 Feb 2002
Posts: 3677
Location: Oregon
Styles: Tae Kwon Do

PostPosted: Fri Mar 21, 2003 9:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

By making this a thread instead of a PM, I assume you are opening it to the public
In the future, you may want to extend an invitation for others to reply, just to make that clear. If you did indeed mean for only Heidi to read & respond, then Dober has a point; it should be a PM

Smith & Wesson wrote:

Have they got a term for folks that are obsessed with their dojo ???

Yup. They're called "Dojo flies". Like a bar fly, dojo fly
As Heidi said, this is probably a case of low self-esteem. I have dealt with this sort of situation before (upper belts feeling offended for being corrected by a lower belt), only it was a man Maybe this woman feels like she's struggling as it is? To have a lower belt correct her could have just added insult to injury. Personally, I know I would be slightly embarrassed if I were in her shoes. At the same time, though, that's no way for a colored belt to act. Respect must be shown to all students. Disregard the fact that they may be of lower rank, they are still people. If I were her instructor, and this had come to my attention, I would have a serious discussion with her about attitude.

Apparently, this woman's attitude was enough to make you leave the dojo, which isn't fair to you. If you really like the dojo's training and atmosphere (excepting her, of course), don't let ONE PERSON force you out. Try discussing it with the instructor. It may seem tattle-tale-ish, but it's for your own good (and possibly the good of your fellow students). You're not trying to get her in trouble, you're trying to create change; improvement. Everyone could use in an improved atmosphere.

I hope that information can help you. Since I don't know this woman personally and haven't seen her actions for myself, I can't be 100% accurate. You'll just have to take and apply what you can use.
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