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KarateKen
Orange Belt
Orange Belt

Joined: 12 Nov 2021
Posts: 196
Location: Dojo
Styles: Karate

PostPosted: Fri Nov 10, 2023 6:08 pm    Post subject: Accepting Death Reply with quote

Somewhat tagging the "Meaning of Life" thread, what are some ways you have learned to accept and cope with death? Death of a relative, friend, a pet, or the inevitable death of yourself?

About five years ago I lost someone close to me and I think I still have not fully recovered. Ever since then I have been thinking about how long I will live on a daily basis and sometimes just go to bed thankful that "I lived through another day." I am healthy and don't have a reason to believe it's likely I will die soon but I know that life can change fast and anyone can die on any given day.  I have some trouble accepting that.
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Zaine
Black Belt
Black Belt

Joined: 31 Aug 2005
Posts: 2242
Location: Dallas, TX
Styles: Matsumura-Seito, Shobayashi-Ryu, Shudokan, Long Fist, American Street Karate, Southern Mantis, HEMA

PostPosted: Sat Nov 11, 2023 2:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I definitely think that you should talk to a therapist about this, if you haven't already.

Death is complicated for the survivors and simple for those that have passed. We all struggle with the end in one way or another and coming to terms with that end is something that not everyone can do. To quote Hamlet:

Quote:
To die, to sleep;
To sleep, perchance to dream—ay, there's the rub:
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause—there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life.


I do not have a good answer for you as to how to accept death, nor can I give you the ability to do so. It is something that I still struggle with from time to time even though I feel that I have accepted my own mortality. There is not secret to accepting death, it's something that we don't have a choice in. I would say, perhaps reductively, to make your life worth living. Take part in things you love, learn from the things that cause you pain, try to make the world around you, whether immediate or otherwise, a better place. Worry not about the future, but focus on the present. Life is difficult and it is easy for us to focus on the difficulty. Find those things that make life easier and create a habit of surrounding yourself with love.
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bushido_man96
KF Sensei
KF Sensei

Joined: 31 Mar 2006
Posts: 30001
Location: Hays, KS
Styles: Taekwondo, Combat Hapkido, Aikido, GRACIE, Police Krav Maga, SPEAR

PostPosted: Sun Nov 12, 2023 8:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Boy, you're pulling out all the big questions, aren't you!

This is a tough one. As a younger man, I didn't think about it much; only when a relative or acquaintance died. As an older man, there's days I think about it going to work: "this could be the day someone tries to kill me." And then, I just go about my work. Then there's other aspect of death that can come to mind; quick and instantaneous, or slow and agonizing? Just the other day, I was talking to my wife, and told her that if and when I go, I want to donate my martial arts library to someone or somewhere that will preserve it for other local martial artist to use. That's kind of weird, right?

I will say this: I hope there's pizza and Oreos in heaven, cause I'm going to eat a ton of them when I get there!
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sensei8
KF Sensei
KF Sensei

Joined: 23 Feb 2008
Posts: 16246
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Styles: Shindokan Saitou-ryu [Shuri-te/Okinawa-te based]

PostPosted: Sun Nov 12, 2023 8:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's hard to accept death but then again, what other choices do I have. The chairs around my table are quite empty nowadays, and one day, my chair will be empty.

I don't like that reality!! We are born once, and we die once.



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KarateKen
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Joined: 12 Nov 2021
Posts: 196
Location: Dojo
Styles: Karate

PostPosted: Mon Nov 13, 2023 2:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

bushido_man96 wrote:
Boy, you're pulling out all the big questions, aren't you!

This is a tough one. As a younger man, I didn't think about it much; only when a relative or acquaintance died. As an older man, there's days I think about it going to work: "this could be the day someone tries to kill me." And then, I just go about my work. Then there's other aspect of death that can come to mind; quick and instantaneous, or slow and agonizing? Just the other day, I was talking to my wife, and told her that if and when I go, I want to donate my martial arts library to someone or somewhere that will preserve it for other local martial artist to use. That's kind of weird, right?

I will say this: I hope there's pizza and Oreos in heaven, cause I'm going to eat a ton of them when I get there!


I was a little worried I was getting too dark.

I don't think it is strange to want to pass things along after you die, it is part of a legacy, leaving something important behind to remind people of what you were about. Also, others will benefit from the information. Different people have different ideas of what they want to do. I had a martial arts instructor tell me that he wants to be buried in his dobok.
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KarateKen
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Joined: 12 Nov 2021
Posts: 196
Location: Dojo
Styles: Karate

PostPosted: Mon Nov 13, 2023 2:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

sensei8 wrote:
It's hard to accept death but then again, what other choices do I have. The chairs around my table are quite empty nowadays, and one day, my chair will be empty.

I don't like that reality!! We are born once, and we die once.




I'm sorry. That sounds terrible.

Our family has gotten small too and it seems like every week I hear about someone else who is very sick or who recently died.
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DarthPenguin
Brown Belt
Brown Belt

Joined: 03 Dec 2021
Posts: 722
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Styles: Shotokan, Judo, BJJ

PostPosted: Mon Nov 13, 2023 5:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

KarateKen wrote:
sensei8 wrote:
It's hard to accept death but then again, what other choices do I have. The chairs around my table are quite empty nowadays, and one day, my chair will be empty.

I don't like that reality!! We are born once, and we die once.




I'm sorry. That sounds terrible.

Our family has gotten small too and it seems like every week I hear about someone else who is very sick or who recently died.


I don't think you can really say that that does or doesn't sound terrible tbh.

Everyone handles this subject differently so i would say that there is no right or wrong way.

I would, however, echo Zaine's suggestion of a therapist, they may help with sorting things out
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