Instructors dating students

Spartacus Maximus · Black Belt

Instructors dating a student or teaching their spouse expose themselves to all sorts of accusations of favouritism which can poison the relationship and the atmosphere of the dojo.

Any relationship issues or disagreements the couple has will be impossible to keep out of the training area and will absolutely impact the everyone negatively. The couple may not care, a few students may not be bothered, but most will be frustrated and feel awkward when the realize their instructor is romantically involved with a student.

People seek who out a martial arts instructor/school expect to learn martial arts. They don’t go there to have to see or listen to their instructor’s personal romantic drama. That stuff is private and for a good reason.

In the dojo, or any business, there is no place for romance and personal relationships. Nothing good ever happens when people let such personal things spill into their business. It’s worse still if the people involved are at different levels and one is above the other in some way(authority or position).

bushido_man96 · KF Sensei

I don't know what other parts of the US or the world is like, but around here it isn't uncommon for a husband and wife couple to start up a small business and run it together. Many successful business start and continue this way. Sure, there can always be things that upend a business, but things can happen if isn't run by a couple. The important thing is for two responsible adults to remain professional at all times.

I'm willing to bet that MA politics have wrecked and ruined more associations, clubs, and schools than couples have.

I'll never apologize for meeting my wife in the do-jang.
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DarthPenguin · Pre-Black Belt

is a complex one too! My BJJ coach and his partner own and run the BJJ gym i train at. He also promoted her to her Brown Belt (though it is 100000% a totally legit promotion!) but i know he seeks input on things like that to be fair.

The power dynamic is a funny one. For me personally i think i am quite good at separating someone who is teaching me martial arts from someone who should be blindly obeyed in life (not sure if i am putting that well!) but i know others aren't always the same. I have trained with people in the past who seemed to think that being your martial arts instructor gave them carte blanche to be in charge of you outwith the dojo but i generally either made it known that that wasn't the case or found somewhere else to train! (though i do admit i am rather opinionated at times so i may not be the best example to use for anything like this - it's a running joke with my other half!)

Luther unleashed · Brown Belt

I agree on dating students however I find it interesting that you have an issue with a teacher teaching his or her spouse. My family has always trained with me, kids too. It creates a real tangible form of “family run business”! Have never had any problems. It’s an instructors job to balance such tasks so students don’t feel there is favoritism. The easiest way to ensure this is MAKE SURE THERE IS NO FAVORITISM.

Martial arts is better when your family is involved, I promise.
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bushido_man96 · KF Sensei

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