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DWx
KF Sensei
KF Sensei

Joined: 17 Jan 2007
Posts: 6408
Location: UK
Styles: Tae Kwon Do & Yang family Tai Chi

PostPosted: Wed May 19, 2021 3:35 pm    Post subject: Parents Reply with quote



Bit of a rant but I'm looking for some solidarity here... do other instructor's find that some parents just don't get it??? Like the whole ethos of martial arts. Especially when it comes to gradings. Students only test when I invite them. And even then they will fail if they don't put the effort in. Some parents just don't get it and seem blinkered when it comes to their kids.. like they insist their kids are ready to test even though they don't know their forms or haven't learnt any of their terminology. Or can they double grade to catch up little Jimmy who's in the same class at school.

Or my other pet peeve is the parents who just don't listen? I think I'm pretty good with announcements, I post to Facebook group, parents WhatsApp, email, Instagram stories and I send letters home..yet some parents still claim they didn't know about testing dates or holiday closures! Drives me bonkers especially when I can see they've opened the emails...

Please tell me I'm not the only one this happens to?
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Zaine
Black Belt
Black Belt

Joined: 31 Aug 2005
Posts: 1765
Location: Dallas, TX
Styles: Shorin Ryu, Shobayashi-Ryu, Shudokan, Long Fist, American Street Karate, Mantis, Schola Saint George (HEMA)

PostPosted: Thu May 20, 2021 6:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

When I was teaching Elementary and Middle school we ran in to the same problem all the time. Parents just don't understand the process, or they think their child is ready for the next step before they've put the effort in, or they want to argue that there needs to be an immediate retest for a failed grade. Overall, parents just have a difficult time understanding the function of learning and this probably doubles when it comes to Martial Arts. It's cliché to say something is about the journey, not the destination, but for MA that's true.
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SLK59
Yellow Belt
Yellow Belt

Joined: 05 Nov 2020
Posts: 94
Location: USA
Styles: Shotokan Karate

PostPosted: Thu May 20, 2021 7:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I feel your pain. In my careers as both a karate and university instructor, I used to field complaints from 'helicopter parents' on a regular basis. One of the hazards with any sort of teaching/grading job, I'm afraid. Hopefully the positives outweigh the negatives for you.
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bushido_man96
KF Sensei
KF Sensei

Joined: 31 Mar 2006
Posts: 28901
Location: Hays, KS
Styles: Taekwondo, Combat Hapkido, Aikido, GRACIE

PostPosted: Fri May 21, 2021 9:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think we've been pretty fortunate to have a good group of parents in our school. Most of them don't seem to take any issues with how we run our testings, who tests and when, etc. I see this happening with kids in our educational school system, though, and most of them don't tend to find interest in our MA schools.
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sensei8
KF Sensei
KF Sensei

Joined: 23 Feb 2008
Posts: 15407
Location: Houston, TX
Styles: Shindokan Saitou-ryu [Shuri-te/Okinawa-te based]

PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2021 1:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm a blunt jerk when it comes to the spoiled parents, and I don't apologize for it. If parents just don't get it, I'll explain it to them in my professional way. My favorite saying is...

"That's ok, your son/daughter gets it, which is really good because he/she is my student, and not you!!"

As far as anything else a parent is confused about, I'll remind them that we all already had a nice long conversation in my office regarding many things, especially rank and the Testing Cycle and all before they joined. I invite or I don't invite, and parents have no say in that; I don't need and/or want their advice concerning MY students...yes that's their child, and I don't argue that, but anything and everything on my floor is under my total authority. They fail...practice more. They pass...they practiced a lot.

If John and Mary Parent don't agree, then go somewhere else, as soon as possible! My dojo, my rules!! I've very little tolerance of parents who know better, but decide to play the "I forgot" card with me.



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Last edited by sensei8 on Sun May 23, 2021 8:49 am; edited 1 time in total
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DWx
KF Sensei
KF Sensei

Joined: 17 Jan 2007
Posts: 6408
Location: UK
Styles: Tae Kwon Do & Yang family Tai Chi

PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2021 3:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks guys. The good ones far outweigh the bad ones luckily but some do drive me bonkers!

I had another pet peeve triggered this week because of COVID I've stopped parents from sitting in and watching. But this week I had a student trial so invited the parents to see... You know when you get those parents who try to teach their children what you're teaching? I'm like give the kid a break. I don't care if his stance isn't quite right, it's his first class!
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bushido_man96
KF Sensei
KF Sensei

Joined: 31 Mar 2006
Posts: 28901
Location: Hays, KS
Styles: Taekwondo, Combat Hapkido, Aikido, GRACIE

PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2021 7:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

DWx wrote:
Thanks guys. The good ones far outweigh the bad ones luckily but some do drive me bonkers!

I had another pet peeve triggered this week because of COVID I've stopped parents from sitting in and watching. But this week I had a student trial so invited the parents to see... You know when you get those parents who try to teach their children what you're teaching? I'm like give the kid a break. I don't care if his stance isn't quite right, it's his first class!
Yes, Danielle, that is annoying, too. In our classes, we actively discourage the parents from participating in that way. I'm kind of hypocrite about it, though, as I constantly get on my kids in the other sports they do.
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sensei8
KF Sensei
KF Sensei

Joined: 23 Feb 2008
Posts: 15407
Location: Houston, TX
Styles: Shindokan Saitou-ryu [Shuri-te/Okinawa-te based]

PostPosted: Sun May 23, 2021 9:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

DWx wrote:
Thanks guys. The good ones far outweigh the bad ones luckily but some do drive me bonkers!

I had another pet peeve triggered this week because of COVID I've stopped parents from sitting in and watching. But this week I had a student trial so invited the parents to see... You know when you get those parents who try to teach their children what you're teaching? I'm like give the kid a break. I don't care if his stance isn't quite right, it's his first class!

Oh yes indeed! It's very counterproductive when parents try to teach their children what I'm teaching their children. What's worse in this regards is that the parent is terrible at teaching what I'm teaching; thanks parents, but I got this, not you...not at all...not even close!!

And yes indeed as well. Give the kid a break because there's not one student of any age anywhere on planet earth that gets it 100% correct; that's a delusion that needs to be forgotten. Another reminder parents...you're on the sidelines in any Testing Cycle, so if the foot's not perfect, them let ME worry about that, please and thank you!! Didn't the parent bring their child to YOU/ME/US for MA training??



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Spartacus Maximus
Black Belt
Black Belt

Joined: 01 Jun 2014
Posts: 1868

Styles: Shorin ryu

PostPosted: Fri May 28, 2021 4:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Too many parents seem to forget one of the most important things about being a parent, which is learning to let go while being supportive. Especially when it comes to dealing with education or any other thing where someone other than them has the leading role.

It is also unfortunate that many teachers, coaches and instructors are either too kind or lack the assurance to remind parents to accept that they must let the teacher teach. Leave the instruction to the instructor and the coaching to the coaches. That takes trust and there must be a good relationship of trust and understanding otherwise nothing can begin. If there is no trust or if the parents do not approve or find issues with the people in whose care they put their children, they must take them elsewhere to somebody whose philosophy and methods they agree with.
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DWx
KF Sensei
KF Sensei

Joined: 17 Jan 2007
Posts: 6408
Location: UK
Styles: Tae Kwon Do & Yang family Tai Chi

PostPosted: Sun May 30, 2021 3:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Spartacus Maximus wrote:
Too many parents seem to forget one of the most important things about being a parent, which is learning to let go while being supportive. Especially when it comes to dealing with education or any other thing where someone other than them has the leading role.

It is also unfortunate that many teachers, coaches and instructors are either too kind or lack the assurance to remind parents to accept that they must let the teacher teach. Leave the instruction to the instructor and the coaching to the coaches. That takes trust and there must be a good relationship of trust and understanding otherwise nothing can begin. If there is no trust or if the parents do not approve or find issues with the people in whose care they put their children, they must take them elsewhere to somebody whose philosophy and methods they agree with.

Great points Spartacus

It's a fine line as you want parents to be engaged and involved with their child's learning, but if it goes too far the other way you get parents who couldn't care less and just treat it as daycare.
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